Never Defend a Kardashian

I should have known it was going to come back to bite me in the extremely round and prominent rear end. I mean, it IS Kim Kardashian. Two weeks ago I proclaimed Kim K. to be “The Patron Saint of Puffy Preggos Everywhere.” While I feel my reasoning is still sound, I distinctly remember ending the post with this statement:

“Now, when Kim flaunts her post-baby body in a skimpy bikini on the cover of some magazine in a few months, I request to be traded to a different team. Because I’m still not in bikini shape, and I don’t need her on my bench making me feel bad about it.”

Then at the grocery store yesterday, I saw this:

P.S. I felt really weird taking a photo of this with my phone in the checkout lane.

Okay, so I smell a fake here as well. Mostly because it’s Star magazine, and they also have a photo they claim to be Kate Middleton posing nude and pregnant, which clearly ISN’T the Duchess when you actually look at the picture. But while I was doing some cursory research to make sure this photo of Kim wasn’t real (because I refuse to let journalism die), I did notice several reports that Kim is planning to reveal her post-baby body in mid-August. Watch me not put that on my calendar.

In other more exciting news, I did finally get around to making the newest “Are You Finished Yet?” music video, called “(I’m Not Your) Live-In Maid.” I posted it last Friday, but because Friday is kind of the black hole day of blogging, you might have missed it. Just in case, you can go check it out HERE. But no biggie if you don’t. I totally don’t care if anyone sees it.

…Did you go watch it yet???? I lied. I really want you to go watch it. Mostly because putting it together was hell on a computer screen, thanks to my outdated system and what was certainly a pushing of the limits of Windows Movie Maker capabilities. There was cussing. And late nights. And tech support. And Googling. And a little crying. And I even got a pimple over it. I fear it really doesn’t live up to the amount of lost hours incurred.  I also think it follows the rule of “the sequel is never as good” in terms of “My Van is Stacked.” But please, if you have ever loved me, just go watch it. You’ll hurt my kids’ feelings otherwise. You don’t want to make children sad, do you? I didn’t think so.

Besides, watching my video will make me feel better about defending Kim Kardashian. I’ve been feeling a little slimy over it, like there’s this film of lip gloss, eyeliner, and tanning oil covering my body.

And now that I think about it, I am a bit uneasy that I signed for a package from Faust & Sons, delivered by a UPS guy who looked eerily like Bruce Jenner.

Crap.

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